Tacos El Bronco 2013 calendar

I LOVE my neighborhood. I live in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, and other than my roommate and my landlord, there is nothing about this place I don't like. Safe, quiet streets, super cheap rent, and a giant Chinatown neighborhood 4 blocks away are all strong contenders in the "Best Overall" category in the Sunset Park awards (the "Parkies"), but they all pale in comparison in the glory that is TACOS EL BRONCO.

Tacos El Bronco is the realest of the real Mexican restaurants in Brookyn. I feel like I'm allowed to voice my authority on what constitutes a "real" Mexican place as I've been to probably a hundred little taco joints in actual Mexico and the only difference between those places and this one is that you're allowed (even encouraged) to flush the toilet paper here. I'm talking $1.50 tacos, real. Topless women gracing the covers of Meringue Hits Volume 3 in the jukebox, real. Paper streamers up all fucking year because Mexicans don't need a reason to celebrate, real. But back to the main point- $1.50 tacos?!!! That's like fucking 15 Pesos! It's nothing! So anyhow, this place is the shit and my boyfriend and I eat here at least twice a week and we love it.

So around Christmas I went in for some tacos and they gave me this amazing Tacos El Bronco calendar, which I was SO, SO insanely excited about. Upon immediately running out the door, dropping my bags on the sidewalk and tearing the calendar open, I was met with serious disappointment. It appears some group of people settled on the theme of "baby humans + baby animals", and the result turned out to be one of the more horrific displays of "art" this side of Gallagher.

I give you exhibit A; September 2013.

Obese infant in diaper and towel with tiny duckling in red Tae Kwon Do belt? Because nothing says "back to school" like an obese infant in diaper and towel with tiny duckling in red Tae Kwon Do belt. And the duckling is cocky as all fuck! Sure the red belt is only one away from black but calm the fuck down, it's still a tiny one and so are you!!!

Exhibit B; October 2013

This makes a little more sense to me, as October is commonly associated with Halloween, and this photo immediately conjures up images of some dark, twisted children's nightmare-fantasy. Chicken-baby is stroking the giant egg whilst staring into your soul and holding in a muffled Hannibal Lecter/Sideshow Bob laugh. Why a chicken and a frog? And if they have some sort of feline psychotherapy somewhere this cat should get a scholarship or whatever they give you for free therapy because if ever a face said "I am a victim", it's that one. They need to make awareness bracelets for this poor cat. Maybe he can do a Groupon deal with the dog from

Exhibit C; May 2013.

Propped up on a paper towel, and playing second fiddle to one of the ugliest babies I've ever seen in my life (and don't even start with the "babies are miracles!" bullshit, because you are wrong. Most babies are accidents, not miracles, and not even the good kind of accidents like Post-Its.) This puppy is doomed to live out his days in Resentments City.

Exhibit D; August 2013.

What the fuck? At this point in the shoot the photographer was like "Alright people let's position the bab--ahh, forget it I got one, let's wrap!" By the time I made it down to August in the calendar I had come to the conclusion that the actual waitstaff (and possibly the cooks) at Tacos El Bronco must have produced, photographed and cast this entire project in between deliveries.

And finally, the most redeeming/most disgusting aspect of all,

Exhibit E; July 2013

Tacos El Bronco, stop! Just stop. You put the black baby with a pile of black puppies AND a football??? Come on. This isn't even the most racist offense on the calendar. April's "Fun Baby Fact" states that "All babies-even black ones-have a ruddy complexion. This is because their blood contains a high number of red blood cells."

(long, terribly awkward silence)

How about just "all babies"?

I'm still gonna eat here all the time though.

**Tacos El Bronco, corner of 4th ave and 42nd street in Sunset Park, Brooklyn :)