I was recently tagged in one of those "what are you grateful for?" things on Facebook. I don't usually do things like that because I'm too busy being cooler than everyone, skipping school and smoking cigs in my leather jacket, but gratitude is actually something that has been coming up quite a bit in my life lately and I thought eh, what the hell. It's good to share good things sometimes. Also, I wanted to upload a video today but didn't feel like doing any of the parts after "film video" so, yeah...I'm grateful that I had the idea to make this a gratitude post! One down! Hot damn! But for real though, the spiritual principle of gratitude is basically a "Krissy, shut the fuck up" smack in the face (albeit a gentle one). It completely changes my perspective when I'm trapped in self-obsession and just generally being a whiny little bitch. When I can actually remember to appreciate the things in my life that make my life worth living (i.e., healthy, functional body, or, getting to experience what life outside of the bathroom I used to spend 20 hours a day smoking crack in, feels like), it makes it really hard to spend so much time and energy being pissed that someone is taking up too much of the sidewalk (actually no, that is infuriating THERE ARE LANES! Abide them! But you know what I'm saying). So yeah, I realize I'm not totally following the rules, but...I already wrote it so there's no going back now!
I am grateful for:
1. WEEGEE SUE!!!!! Those of you that know me know that I am OBSESSED with my dog. In fact, people who have had the misfortune of simply mentioning the word "dog" in my presence are often forced to endure an 80-photo slideshow of her sleeping, yawning, or otherwise being generally adorable. But seriously, look at this proud motherfucking beast!
LOOK AT HER!!!!! What is she doing?? Just casually staring me down, mid-jazz hands, nips a-blazin'! Weegee is basically the world's tiniest, most flamboyant unicorn in this picture. She is quite unmistakably my dog: she sleeps late, hates loud noises, and becomes socially anxious in large crowds of people, an unfortunate trait I noticed immediately upon taking her to a street fair in my neighborhood, where her dog defenses for some reason trained her body to tremble violently while expelling tufts of fur into the atmosphere at an alarming rate, perhaps attempting to formulate some sort of decoy dog for passersby to point at, allowing her now hairless and even more vulnerable body to slink away unnoticed I DON'T KNOW! She's not as smart as us, you guys, she is but a lowly beast! We left immediately, which is fine because I refuse to pay $3 for 5 deep-fried Oreo's when I only want one! Those things don't keep! Anyhow, Weegee is awesome. She requires almost no maintenance, is super snuggly, and works as a natural man repeller, a fantastic aid when walking while female, because I think it's safe to say that at least several times a week most women run into this guy, regardless of the time of day, neighborhood, what you look like, or happen to be wearing (they're everywhere, it doesn't matter, it's not your fault, they're just too stupid...).
I love my Weegee Sue. She teaches me how to be a responsible human, shows me what unconditional love looks like, and sometimes falls off the bed and I just laugh and laugh and laugh. Also, this:
2. YouTube! I'm pretty sure the reason I'm late to work everyday is due to the fact that I stay up until all hours of the night searching "weekly tarot reading Capricorn 2014". I am absolutely positive that YouTube is the reason it takes me 7 hours to type 1000 words as that's exactly what happened (is happening-this post ain't written yet!) today (and every day).There are three very distinct motivators that lead me in my YouTube searches:
-animal birthing videos
-awesome women lady blogs
I have a regular "astrology guy" that I consult on a weekly basis. Let me rephrase...I have THREE astrology guys (and five girls) that I consult on a weekly basis. They all basically say the same thing, but through these people's knowledge of the placement of the planets in relation to the sun and moon I am fully able to neglect all responsibility and intuition on my own part, allowing them to determine what kind of week I'll have, what kind of jobs to quit, when to move to an entirely different city, and when not to pick up the phone when my mom calls (never again, Saturn in Scorpio! FOOL ME ONCE!!)
I don't really feel like talking about the animal birthing videos because every time I show one to someone they immediately become disgusted and never ask me things like "so, what do you do when you're not at work?" ever again. Actually now that I think about it this has served as a pretty decent man repeller also. I should just carry around an iPad on my shoulder like how guys in the 80's would carry a boombox, but just show this all the time.
Ugh God, fuck those birds, also.
The most amount of time I spend on the 'Tube (we're like that now) is spent watching women much younger than myself make fun, witty and interesting videos about ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING. Watch you drunkenly dye your bangs purple? Sure! Dissect the contents of your purse? HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITHOUT YOUTUBE?! One of my favorites is Anna Akana. Something about her gently guided life affirmations offers me lessons in self-parenting emotionally developmental areas my own mother was just not available to give me, such as "how to apply liquid eyeliner" and "it's OK to not be ashamed of yourself every second of every day of your life."
3. COMMUNICATION. By this I simply mean, "the ability to say what I mean to another human person". Because before it was just a shit-load of this:
Just a bunch of verbal vomiting all over whomever happened to be around me at that moment. No sense of appropriate timing, no healthy boundaries, no willingness to take personal responsibility, just me, me me, how do we change you to fix me? That shit is exhausting (and it don't even work none, neither). Not looking at people as my enemy makes a world of difference.
(also grateful for the woman who nominated me in her post. she's helping me change my life. i love her. i'm lucky.)
That's it! Life is good. Work hard, be nice.